The Suffering of Joy by Alexei McConville

A man can only hope to find peace of mind after a long military career. Unfortunately, life can be cruel. The brutality of war ingrains itself, and the trauma of childhood returns as a ghost. What goodness the future may hold shall be taken away. When that happens, the lengths a man must go to to get it back will challenge his morality. He will face the monsters, both the real ones and those born of maddens.