Three Men and a Maid by P. G. Wodehouse

of it. Now that you put it to me like that, it is red.” “Has she a trick of grabbing at you suddenly, when she gets excited, like a kitten with a ball of wool?” “Yes. Yes, she has.” Eustace Hignett uttered a sharp cry. “Sam,” he said, “can you bear a shock?” “I'll have a dash at it.” “Brace up!” “The girl you are engaged to is the same girl who promised to marry me .” “Well, well!” said Sam. There was a silence. “Awfully sorry, of course, and all that,” said Sam. “Don't apologise to me!” said Eustace. “My poor old chap, my only feeling towards you is one of the purest and profoundest pity.” He reached out and pressed Sam's hand. “I regard you as a toad beneath the harrow!” “Well, I suppose that's one way of offering congratulations and cheery good wishes.” “And on top of that,” went on Eustace, deeply moved. “You have got to sing at the ship's concert.” “Why shouldn't I sing at the ship's concert?” “My dear old man, you have many worthy qualities, but you must know that you can't sing. You can't sing for nuts! I don't want to discourage you, but, long ago as it is, you can't have forgotten what an ass you made of yourself at that house-supper at school. Seeing you up against it like this, I regret that I threw a lump of butter at you on that occasion, though at the time it seemed the only course to pursue.” Sam started. “Was it you who threw that bit of butter?” “It was.” “I wish I'd known! You silly chump, you ruined my collar.” “Ah, well, it's seven years ago. You would hav